I am an artist, writer, and lifelong student of the grieving process. I am not a licensed therapist, but I’ve completed grief counselor trainings. I consider myself an educator and guide.
Mourning a great loss, painful as it is, also presents an opportunity for positive growth and sometimes, creative work. There are an infinite number of ways to grieve and no right way. For me, writing helps move emotions through, but there are many tools and resources to try.
After a stillbirth in 2005, I wrote a memoir called Dancing with the Midwives, which you can find here. Since then I have completed a coming-of-age novel about adolescent grief, and am currently at work on a second novel.
I lost my mother to cancer when I was fourteen and that has always been a big part of my identity. But it took a long time for me to accept that grief was part of who I am and not something bad or unhealthy. For years the message I got from the culture around me (including a couple of misguided therapists) was that I should eventually be “past it.” My mother is a big part of my life and grief is central to my connection to her, so I wouldn’t want to be rid of it. (See this piece about the necessity of grieving and my response to it in the New York Times.)
We all suffer losses throughout our lives, yet grief is different for each of us. Grief changes with time, and it changes us. I try to approach each grieving process with acceptance, curiosity, and patience.
Sometimes, we need support, resources, or guidance. I am here for anyone suffering from grief and loss, especially young people and their families.